Anxiety and scary self

How is that possible?
I am healthy, empowered and with so many opportunities ahead of me (in the short term at least) and I am frozen out by anxiety!And I don't know what it causes it!
my weight-i don't care,
my family-the more i go through this self-analyzing the more I see how elastic and helpful they are - even though there is the anxiety that I will disappoint them...
my friends- I have long thought of them as external factors-I don't really rely on them anymore
my carrier - well this is interlinked to my family and me-not-disappointing-them.
I am so exhausted in proving myself to them, that I realised I had to prove myself to me!and nobody else!at first at least... so now I feel like I need to go all over it for their sake. Do I make sense?My self-exploration has been very productive and has funded my confidence and trust in myself. But what's up now?
It has to do with my family and the job- this anxiety, this 3kg rock sitting on my chest.
I don't think it has to do wirth any specific member of my family. I think it's me, again, there's something more I have to fix in me - and get into action!into living my life!!!
I'm sleepy, goodnight

new books

Blue Bloods - Misguided Angel - Melissa de la Cruz - set to come out October 26, 2010

Mortal Instruments - City of Fallen Angels - Cassandra Clareis - set to be released in March 11, 2011

Lauren Kate - Torment is to be released September 2010

Melissa Marr - 22 FEB 2011-- Darkest Mercy (the last Wicked Lovely series book!)

Richelle Mead - Vampire Academy - Last Sacrifice - to be released December 7, 2010

The blue bloods I missed alot!!!but I would take out Torment in 2 days easily!during vacations I found the 6th book of the Vampire Diaries!Geez - the first two chapters are a sum of all that have happened - that is alot to take in - Elena died twice - like once to become a vampire and another to be a protective spirit and now she has fallen from the sky and is 100% human with extra abilities and the shi ni shi who are the bad guys come from Japan and can do magic and have captured her boyfriend/vampire to a mystical prison from where she needs to free him. Any ideas on where she gets that stuff?I'll give it a go though,,, I bought the damn thing....:)